Co-Parenting Through the Holidays: Tips and Encouragement for Single Moms

🎵It’s the most wonderful time of the year…🎵

However, it can also be the most stressful time of the year…especially if you’re navigating your first holiday season as a newly single parent.

In addition to the usual holiday craziness, you’re adjusting to a new life with its logistic and emotional challenges, coordinating schedules for visitation, and trying to give your kids a happy holiday season in the midst of it all. 

Yes, co-parenting through the holidays can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. Here are my best tips to help prevent drama, minimize disruption, and give your children a joyful holiday season in the midst of this big change.

Make a Holiday Plan With Your Co-Parent

Create a holiday custody schedule with your co-parent — and don’t wait until the last minute to do it! Making arrangements with your co-parent ahead of time will save you a lot of stress later on. Once you decide how you’ll share the holidays, the rest of your holiday planning should be a bit easier.

The goal of creating a holiday schedule is to minimize chaos and exhaustion and create good memories for your children.

As you make your plan, make sure to keep the best interests of your children your number one priority. It’s important that your kids are able to spend time with both sides of their family and that they don’t get caught up in parenting disputes. 

Talk through every holiday as well as any trips you want to take over the holiday season. Don’t assume that just because a holiday falls on a day you usually have the kids that they’ll automatically be with you for that holiday. 

Keep in mind that, most likely, neither you nor your co-parent will get everything you want. Just  do your best to make sure you both have quality time with the kids during the holidays.

And don’t forget that just because the kids aren’t with you on a particular holiday, that doesn’t mean you can’t still celebrate that holiday with them! You can celebrate together on another day, and it can be just as special as it would be on the actual day.

Want to dig deeper into the logistics of creating a holiday custody schedule? Check out this helpful article from our affiliate partner, Our Family Wizard.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

I can’t stress this enough — communication is absolutely key in every aspect of your co-parenting situation, including your plans for the holidays.

Do your best to avoid using the holiday season as a battleground between you and your co-parent. Communicating clearly and calmly will make for a smoother, more drama-free holiday season.

Talk through your needs and expectations for the holiday season, including scheduling, time spent at each house, and gifts. To this last point: talking through gift expectations with your co-parent can help ensure not only that you don’t duplicate gifts, but also that you don’t end up in a competition to outdo one another with gifts.

In addition, stay in communication with your co-parent throughout the holidays regarding how the kids are handling things, so you can both be there to support them.

You’ll also want to communicate with your kids about the holiday schedule you’ve created with your co-parent. Don’t spring a new schedule on them at the last minute — make sure they know what’s happening in advance, so they know what to expect as the holidays approach.

Stay Flexible

No matter how well you plan or how effectively you communicate, not everything will go according to plan (such is life!). 

The holidays can be unpredictable, so expect that you’ll need to work through some last-minute changes to your schedule, and do your best to stay flexible. This will not only help to ensure the holiday season is as happy and stress-free for the kids as possible, it is also good behavior to model for your kids.

For example: If your child is sick on a holiday they were supposed to be with your co-parent, work with your co-parent to find another day they can celebrate together…even if it’s a day you’d typically have the kids.

Being willing to compromise and make adjustments will help ensure your children can have quality time with both sides of their family this holiday season.

However, it’s also important to set clear boundaries and expectations around your compromises. Make sure your co-parent understands that, in exchange for making a schedule change on your end, you expect that they will grant you additional parenting time with your child to make up for that change.

Walk Your Kids Through the Changes

Change is difficult at any time of year, but because the holidays are so family and tradition-focused, it can be an especially challenging time for your kids. Walk them through these tough changes, acknowledging that things are different, validating their emotions, and helping them work through their grief.

Talk with your children about expectations for the upcoming holidays as well. When kids know what to expect, they will find it easier to find excitement and joy in the holidays, even in the midst of a difficult change.

Keeping the lines of communication open like this will allow your kids to feel more comfortable asking questions and expressing their worries. It may take more than one holiday season for your kids to accept that this is their “new normal,” but maintaining open communication with them about it will better equip them to handle these big changes.

Start New Traditions

This holiday season isn’t going to look like those in the past. The plans and traditions you’ve always had for the holidays may not work anymore with your new co-parenting arrangement. Plus, trying to keep everything the same may only serve to highlight the fact that your family has changed. 

Consider this an opportunity to start new holiday traditions: Pull a tradition from your childhood, bake your grandma’s famous Christmas cookies, have a holiday movie marathon in your pjs, take a drive to see the holiday lights, craft your own holiday decorations…you get the idea.

Focus on spending quality time together and finding something new you can look forward to doing together every year.

Practice Self Care

If you take good care of yourself (physically, mentally, and emotionally), you’ll be better equipped to care for your children. This is always true, but it’s especially important to remember when you’re trying to navigate co-parenting during the holidays.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself during this stressful season. Get enough sleep, eat healthy meals, and prioritize spending time with friends and family (especially when the kids are with your co-parent). You may even want to treat yourself to a special gift or experience to make your holidays a little brighter.

And don’t put pressure on yourself to create the picture perfect holiday for your kids — a “perfect” holiday doesn’t exist! Simply do your best to stay positive and focus on what brings you joy this holiday season. 

And if things get especially difficult, don’t hesitate to reach out for help, not only from family and friends, but also from professionals like a therapist, mediator, or family attorney. A third party can be helpful in working through any difficulties that come up. 

Co-parenting through the holidays can be challenging, especially if this is your first year doing it. And it may feel far from the “most wonderful time of the year.” But I hope these tips will help you navigate the process of creating a co-parenting plan that gives you and your children some peace and joy this holiday season.

Want more tips for co-parenting throughout the year? Download my free eBook, “The ‘Ex-Factors,’” the ultimate guide to help you navigate the nuances of co-parenting. And don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about how I can help you in your new life as a single parent.